62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.

  • 1. Tony is not allowed to replace the entire contents of the cafeteria with pop-tarts just because Thor has declared it the ‘food of the gods.’
  • 2. Natasha is not allowed to interrogate new S.H.I.E.L.D. employees and dispose of the ones she deems unworthy.
  • 3. Clint is not allowed to continue insisting that is the final step of the interview process to terrified new hires.
  • 4. Tony is not allowed to broadcast sing-along songs into the Hulk-cage, no matter amusing he finds teaching Hulk “Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around”
  • 5. Clint is not allowed to put the security feed of the Hulk’s Teddy Bear dance on Youtube.
  • 6. Bruce is not allowed to hack into personnel files to look up blackmail material on Director Fury.
  • 7. Tony is not allowed to insist that he’s already done so and that Fury’s middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles…. Because it isn’t.
  • 8. Thor is not allowed to be naked at Headquarters. Ever.
  • 9. Steve is not allowed to address any female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as ‘little lady,’ ‘broad,’ or ‘dame.’ It only ends in getting slapped.
  • 10. Agent Coulson’s name isn’t “Mom.”
  • 11. Director Fury should never again be addressed as “Dad”
  • 12. Agent Hill is not the Avenger’s wicked stepmother.
  • 13. Clint is not allowed to lurk in the shadowy rafters spying on people, unless specifically instructed to do so for an official S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned mission.
  • 14. ‘Operation Irritate the Fuck Out of Nick Fury’ is not an official mission, no matter what Tony or Natasha say to the contrary.
  • 15. Debriefings should not be preceded by tequila shots.
  • 16. Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.
  • 17. There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.
  • 18. Thor and Hulk will wait to fight until after the battle is over.
  • 19. Tony Stark is not God’s gift to women.
  • 20. The Avengers do not need matching uniforms.
  • 21. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to have a contest to see who can make a bigger “boom” in the lab.
  • 22. Thor is not allowed to join in and make the biggest boom with his hammer.
  • 23. The Avengers will not be celebrating Steve’s 94th birthday.
  • 24. The laboratory is not Tony and Bruce’s ‘Super Secret Genius Clubhouse.’ They are not allowed to bar entry to employees based on IQ test results.
  • 25. The Avengers are not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
  • 26. Iron Man is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
  • 27. Tony Stark is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.
  • 28. Thor is not allowed to ‘bring down the wrath of Odinson’ on the person who ate the last package of pop-tarts.
  • 29. Pants are not optional at team meetings.
  • 30. ‘Pepper said it was okay’ is not a good enough reason to defy a director order from command.
  • 31. The words “What’s the worst that could happen?” are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.
  • 32. MC Hammer did not write Thor a theme song.
  • 33. Gumby is not the love child of Bruce Banner and Reed Richards.
  • 34. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again. Ever.
  • 35. Blasting ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ at top volume into Bruce’s room on loop overnight is not an effective way to suppress the Hulk.
  • 36. Hawkeye is not sitting in the rafters waiting to pick off people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours.
  • 37. Tony is not allowed to bribe Natasha and Clint to physically, emotionally or psychologically torture General Ross for being ‘a great big douchebucket’ and ‘being mean to Brucie-kins.’
  • 38. Steve is ‘Captain America’ not ‘Captain New York and those 49 other, lesser states.’
  • 39. ‘Hulk SMASH!’ is not an effective diplomatic policy.
  • 40. Tony is not allowed to buy the Dodgers and move them back to Brooklyn to apologize for lighting Steve’s hair on fire.
  • 41. The phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’ never leads anywhere good.
  • 42. It is not funny to dare Bruce to drink three quarts of green food coloring before a urine test.
  • 43. Steve is not to be introduced as ‘Captain Tightpants’ or ‘The All-American Virgin.’
  • 44. The Avengers do not ‘charge into battle, naked like the Celts.’ Except for The Hulk. Sometimes.
  • 45. Natasha’s glare is not in fact fatal. Tony is not allowed to continue implying that it is.
  • 46. Tony is not allowed to convince Bruce to help him make death ray goggles so that it will be.
  • 47. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow the American government, just because they didn’t like the results from the last election.
  • 48. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow any government, without checking in with S.H.I.E.L.D. first.
  • 49. Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any ‘magic beans.’
  • 50. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to try to sell Tony to another planet, even if they are promised really cool new weapons in exchange.
  • 51. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go to any science conferences without a chaperone.
  • 52. A robot Tony built does not count as a chaperone.
  • 53. Nikola Tesla is not a vampire being held in the bowels of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.
  • 54. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go searching for him in the name of Science!
  • 55. Clint’s super-power is not ‘being super-annoying.’
  • 56. The following words and phrases are never to be uttered over communication devices during an active mission ever again: “Exploring sexuality,” “Necrophilia,” “It’s getting hot in herr, so take off all your clothes,” “I hate everyone on this mission and I wish they’d die in a fire,” “Nick Fury can go suck on a big bag of sausages,” references to Bruce’s giant stash of weed, mention of anyone’s erection, or “Shawarma.”
  • 57. If it makes Tony giggle for more than 30 seconds, it isn’t allowed.
  • 58. If it makes Natasha crack a smile, it’s probably illegal.
  • 59. Thor taking Jane to see Asgard does not count as an alien abduction. Clint should stop referring to it as such.
  • 60. Just because Bruce agreed to work in Tony’s lab, does not mean he needs to get a “Property of Stark Industries” tattoo.
  • 61. Tony is not allowed to design a robot to draw said tattoo on Bruce when he falls asleep in the lab.
  • 62. Post-mission reports to Director Fury should not start out ‘So let me explain…’

chairhiro:

handsomejackass:

do-you-have-a-flag:

fav person of the day

because actually helping people with cosplay emergencies!

literally the most important man at supanova this year

he gave me double sided tape

what a good human being

petition to have a designated Captain Patch-It at all cons from now on.

(via scarletjedi)

mayifindher:

Possibly the best GoT cast photo I’ve found yet.

mayifindher:

Possibly the best GoT cast photo I’ve found yet.

(via mehlisandre)

socimages:

U.S. Army releases racially biased hairstyle regulations.
Sgt. Jasmine Jacobs of the National Guard in Georgia has always plaited her hair into two twists around her head. She has been in the military for six years and has worn her hair natural (meaning no chemical treatments [perms] or hair extensions [weaves]) for four of those years. But according to the new hair-grooming requirements the U.S. Army recently released, her hair is now out of regulation.
And so are the Afro-centric hairstyles of many black women in the Army, who make up 31 percent of Army women.
Jacobs, who said she is “kind of at a loss now with what to do with my hair,” has started a White House petition asking the Army to rethink its new hair guidelines. The petition has collected more than 7,000 signatures from soldiers and civilians, but needs to reach 100,000 signatures by April 19th in order for the White House to address it.
The petition states:

Females with natural hair take strides to style their natural hair in a professional manner when necessary; however, changes to AR 670-1 offer little to no options for females with natural hair… These new changes are racially biased and the lack of regard for ethnic hair is apparent.

The new Army Regulation 670-1  was published Tuesday and illustrates with photos the types of hairstyles that are unauthorized for women. Those include dreadlocks, twists or any type of matted or coiled hair. A particularly cumbersome requirement disallows the bulk of a woman’s hair to “exceed more than 2″ from her scalp.” That rules out Afros and most types of non-chemically altered black hair.
Basically, almost every natural hair option that black women in the Army could wear is now off limits. One of the few traditionally natural hairstyles that was listed as appropriate is cornrows, but a slew of specifications and rules surrounded even that. The diameter of each cornrow can’t be more than one-fourth of an inch, and no more than one-eighth of an inch of scalp may be shown between cornrows.
The only way to realistically meet the new standards would be to shave one’s head, perm one’s hair or wear weaves or wigs.
Jacobs said twists like the one she wears are very popular among black women soldiers because the style requires little maintenance when in the field. Her hair’s thickness and curliness makes pulling her hair back into a bun (a style popular among white women soldiers) impossible.
A spokesperson for the Army said the grooming changes are “necessary to maintain uniformity within a military population.” When that need for “uniformity” erases the ethnic differences of a group of women and forces them to constrain themselves to European standards of hair, it presents a serious problem.
“I think, at the end of the day, a lot of people don’t understand the complexities of natural hair… I’m disappointed to see the Army, rather than inform themselves on how black people wear their hair, they’ve white-washed it all,” said Jacobs.
Screenshots taken from Army Regulation 670-1.
Anita Little is the associate editor at Ms. magazine, where this post originally appeared. You can follow her on Twitter.

socimages:

U.S. Army releases racially biased hairstyle regulations.

Sgt. Jasmine Jacobs of the National Guard in Georgia has always plaited her hair into two twists around her head. She has been in the military for six years and has worn her hair natural (meaning no chemical treatments [perms] or hair extensions [weaves]) for four of those years. But according to the new hair-grooming requirements the U.S. Army recently released, her hair is now out of regulation.

And so are the Afro-centric hairstyles of many black women in the Army, who make up 31 percent of Army women.

Jacobs, who said she is “kind of at a loss now with what to do with my hair,” has started a White House petition asking the Army to rethink its new hair guidelines. The petition has collected more than 7,000 signatures from soldiers and civilians, but needs to reach 100,000 signatures by April 19th in order for the White House to address it.

The petition states:

Females with natural hair take strides to style their natural hair in a professional manner when necessary; however, changes to AR 670-1 offer little to no options for females with natural hair… These new changes are racially biased and the lack of regard for ethnic hair is apparent.

The new Army Regulation 670-1  was published Tuesday and illustrates with photos the types of hairstyles that are unauthorized for women. Those include dreadlocks, twists or any type of matted or coiled hair. A particularly cumbersome requirement disallows the bulk of a woman’s hair to “exceed more than 2″ from her scalp.” That rules out Afros and most types of non-chemically altered black hair.

Basically, almost every natural hair option that black women in the Army could wear is now off limits. One of the few traditionally natural hairstyles that was listed as appropriate is cornrows, but a slew of specifications and rules surrounded even that. The diameter of each cornrow can’t be more than one-fourth of an inch, and no more than one-eighth of an inch of scalp may be shown between cornrows.

The only way to realistically meet the new standards would be to shave one’s head, perm one’s hair or wear weaves or wigs.

Jacobs said twists like the one she wears are very popular among black women soldiers because the style requires little maintenance when in the field. Her hair’s thickness and curliness makes pulling her hair back into a bun (a style popular among white women soldiers) impossible.

A spokesperson for the Army said the grooming changes are “necessary to maintain uniformity within a military population.” When that need for “uniformity” erases the ethnic differences of a group of women and forces them to constrain themselves to European standards of hair, it presents a serious problem.

“I think, at the end of the day, a lot of people don’t understand the complexities of natural hair… I’m disappointed to see the Army, rather than inform themselves on how black people wear their hair, they’ve white-washed it all,” said Jacobs.

Screenshots taken from Army Regulation 670-1.

Anita Little is the associate editor at Ms. magazine, where this post originally appeared. You can follow her on Twitter.

(via scarletjedi)

It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion on them.

On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever.

Douglas Adams

this quote was literally in my sociology book 

(via marinashutup)

NAILED IT

(via applejackismyhomegirl)

(via scarletjedi)

Toxic masculinity hurts men, but there’s a big difference between women dealing with the constant threat of being raped, beaten, and killed by the men in their lives, and men not being able to cry. — Robert Jensen (via tiredestprincess)

(via scarletjedi)


Fuck the king

Fuck the king

(via mehlisandre)

laughingacademy:

femininefreak:

Sex Education in American Public Schools

The third map is really freaking me out. “Don’t have to be medically accurate.” WHAT.

So not medically accurate? What does that even mean? When a man and a woman love each other very much they make a special hug and a baby appears under a leaf in a cabbage patch? 

(via scarletjedi)